10 Reasons to Do Premarital Counseling, Even If Nothing’s “Wrong”
We often think about going to couples therapy when something terrible has happened or when our relationship feels damaged or broken. And while that is incredibly important, therapy can still be beneficial even when there are no glaringly obvious issues.
Premarital counseling* is a type of therapeutic support that generally takes a more proactive approach, working with you to gain tools and have conversations that create a sustainable, successful relationship. Interested? Here are 10 reasons to consider participating in premarital counseling, even if nothing’s “wrong”.
*Note: Premarital counseling is the “official” term and the term used in this blog, but you certainly do not have to be getting married to participate or benefit! We can also call it precommitment therapy—something to consider before a new chapter of deeper dedication!
Improve your communication - Premarital counseling is all about communication. This might look like guided skill building, with your therapist providing you tools for giving feedback, conflict resolution, and problem solving. But even just having an intentional, facilitated space to communicate about a variety of different topics can help exercise that communication “muscle” and refine the skills you already have.
Clarify expectations - We all have ideas about what it means to be in a relationship. Some of these ideas are clear and easy to bring to mind, others are more implicit. There are so many important conversations to be had around expectations for relationships, including but certainly not limited to relationship roles, division of labor, showing affection, and connection with each other’s family and friends.
Establish systems that work - These days, many couples are dating for some time or even living together prior to getting married, and therefore have developed systems for navigating the day-to-day. Premarital counseling can help you get really intentional about examining these systems and creating new ones that actually work for you.
Gain a deeper understanding - You know who your partner is and what your partner does, but do you know why? You’ll have the opportunity to dig a little deeper into past experiences, your childhoods, your family messaging, and your worldviews in service of more clarity and understanding.
Be intentional about discussing the uncomfy topics - Sex! Politics! Religion! Finances! Boundaries! Maybe there have been some conversations around these things, but generally we shy away from these topics—both because we might feel vulnerable and because, frankly, we’re typically not well practiced in talking about them. Premarital counseling helps facilitate these more “taboo” conversations.
Dream about longterm goals - Discussions of career goals, child raising (or not!), retirement—it may seem far off, but it’s not too early to start having these conversations. It’s both important to ensure you and your partner are aligned, and also to allow to you begin working toward those goals. This isn’t to say you’ll making unchangeable decisions, but it’s important to make sure you’re on the same page.
Identify and settle any unresolved issues - If there is anything lingering from the past, premarital counseling sessions can be a way to process any residual pain. These hurts can be like a broken bone—we might say that it’s healed, but if it’s not healed properly, it can still bother us years later.
Enhance emotional intimacy - When you and your partner have these conversations, listen and feel listened to, and identify shared goals, you build emotional safety. This paves the way for increased intimacy, trust, and connectedness.
Recognize if something is actually not working - Maybe therapy right now feels like a check-up, and everything in your relationship is working well for both of you. Even if, in the future, your relationship always feels like this, life is guaranteed to throw some curveballs your way. Premarital counseling can help you identify warning signs to look for and get you comfortable with the therapy space should you ever need it again.
Start this new chapter with a solid foundation - The research shows that premarital counseling is linked to longer and happier relationships, as well as reduced risk of separation and divorce. As you enter into this next phase of your relationship, why not ensure your relationship is the best it can be?
Premarital counseling is not the right fit for every couple, and not every therapist is the right fit for every couple. If you have any questions about if this process is right for you, check out All Your Questions About Premarital Therapy Answered or reach out today!
As a reminder, the outcomes listed above are not guarantees. No therapist or premarital program can promise you a certain outcome in how you will feel or what you will experience.
