Can’t Find the Cheer This Year

As we move into the holiday season, there is generally an expectation that it’s a time for celebration, joy, and cheer. But it’s not always so easy to feel that way. I certainly don’t have to tell you there’s a lot going on in the world this year, and this doesn’t include the everyday challenges we face. Add to that any personal heartache, whether it’s the end of a relationship, the loss of a loved one, or the disappointment of a job layoff, and it’s easy to see why we might feel down.

In a season that oozes togetherness and celebration, to feel sad and anxious can be lonely, especially when everyone around us seems to be wrapped up in their own holiday cheer. We might find ourselves feeling disconnected, like we’re an outsider watching others effortlessly navigate what’s supposed to be the “most wonderful time of the year.” 

The truth is, the holidays aren’t always filled with joy for everyone. While some may be basking in the glow of gifts and gatherings, others may be struggling to keep their heads above water emotionally. For those who are having a hard time finding the cheer, the holidays can feel overwhelming. So how do we manage when we’re just not feeling “merry”?

Take Breaks

Firstly, give yourself permission to take breaks. Many holiday gatherings can last for hours, with constant conversation and activity, which can be exhausting, especially when you're already feeling emotionally drained. Step away from the crowd when you need to. If you find yourself at a family gathering or a work event and the energy starts to feel overwhelming, take a moment to step outside for some fresh air or retreat to a quiet room for a few minutes. Sometimes, just a short break can give you the space you need to reset and recharge, making it easier to rejoin the group.

Find a Safe Space

Along with taking breaks, it’s important to find a place—whether physical or mental—where you can ground yourself. Is there a space at the event where you can go to feel calmer? Maybe a quiet corner or an outdoor area? If you’re unable to find a physical space, you can also create one in your mind. Close your eyes for a moment, breathe deeply, and imagine a place that brings you peace—whether it’s a favorite spot in nature, a childhood memory, or somewhere that makes you feel safe and secure. This mental space can be super effective  in helping you regain your composure when the emotional weight of the gathering feels too heavy.

Plan an Exit Strategy

Sometimes, the most helpful thing you can do is plan an exit strategy. Even just the knowledge that you have a way out can ease a lot of anxiety. Think ahead about how you’ll leave if the situation becomes too overwhelming. Maybe you can offer a polite excuse, or simply let your host know that you need to head out early. Just having a plan in place can help you feel more grounded, because you’re not left trying to figure out how to leave in the moment. 

Identify an Ally

Is there someone you trust, a person who can support you during the event? You don’t have to go into the details of why you're struggling if you’re not ready to share, but simply identifying a person who can hold space for you emotionally can be a game-changer. Before the event begins, tell them how you’re feeling. A simple statement like, “I haven’t been feeling very celebratory lately, so I might need some support,” can help set expectations and allow them to assist you in ways that feel actually supportive to you. Can they distract you? Can they help deflect personal questions from well-meaning coworkers or family members? If they’re not physically present, can they text you to check in or even call you as a reminder to take a break? Feeling like there’s someone in your corner can help you feel seen and connected.

Honor with Action

Sometimes feeling sad and anxious when the people around you are presumably not can feel powerless and isolating. Taking values-aligned action can help remind you of your power and your connectedness to others. If you’re missing a person, incorporate a tradition that intentionally honors and reminds you of them. If you’re feeling hopeless about a cause, send your congressperson a holiday card demanding action or donate gift money to an organization you like. If you’re alone this holiday season for the first (or seventh) time, start a new tradition that brings you comfort.

Don’t Pressure Yourself to Be Cheery

Finally, it’s important to remind yourself that you don’t have to be cheerful just because it’s the holidays. It’s okay to not feel happy all the time, and often a very appropriate response to circumstances! We can get caught up in the pressure to be “merry and bright,” especially during the winter months when everything around us seems to emphasize joy. But sadness, grief, and exhaustion are normal responses to life's ups and downs, and they don’t vanish because a holiday is on the calendar. Let go of any expectations that you have to force yourself to be in a “celebratory” mood and let yourself feel what you’re feeling.

This season, take care of yourself. And remember: You don’t have to be merry to be worthy of love, support, connection, and compassion.

Need extra support this holiday season? Reach out today.