When Anxiety “Drives”

Picture this scenario: You’re driving your car, and there is a child in your backseat. 

Now imagine that this child would really, really like to drive the car. They’ve asked over and over again. Maybe the child in the backseat is yelling, screaming, and begging to be allowed to drive. They are throwing things at the back of your head and poking you in the ribs until you want to just relent.

But I have a feeling you would not give in. You would tolerate it.

Why? Because it’s important that the child doesn’t drive. You won’t throw them out of the car, because they’re just a kid, but you also won’t give in and let them drive…because they are just a kid. And you are in charge.

New scenario: imagine you have made a decision about something. And all of a sudden, you start feeling anxious. Perhaps you have a first date, and suddenly your anxiety is telling you to cancel. Maybe you want to set a boundary at work, but your anxiety is telling you it’s not worth it. Your anxiety is the kid in the backseat, and if you choose to listen to it and let it make your decisions, now it is “driving” the car.

When you are “driving”, you are making choices that are in alignment with your values. When your anxiety “drives”, it gets to be in control. Anxiety might “drive” you somewhere you don’t actually want to go or “drive” you to miss something really special. We want to be in front of the steering wheel when it comes to our lives.

It may not be possible to get rid of the anxiety. You may not be able to throw it out of the car and leave it on the side of the road. Like a kid, it might be sitting in the backseat, shouting at you on repeat. It might be distracting. It might be painful. It might be really, really annoying. But just like you would not let that small child drive your car, you can practice ensuring that your anxiety doesn’t get to “drive”. As long as you try to stay in the driver's seat, you get to be in charge of the life you build.